Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Cold

This has been our story for the past week: cold temperatures with snow and a small person with a bad, bad cold. I've been working half days all week, which is a mixed blessing. I've enjoyed being home, but I feel guilty for not being where I'm supposed to And then there's the guilt of feeling like I really should be spending full days with my tot but then there's that work thing. I'm extremely lucky to a) have a job and b) to have a job that is so understanding and flexible. However, the push-pull of work and home (and don't forget, holiday) obligations have really worked me over this week. I had a major anxiety attack (on the freeway, of all places) that ended with me getting a migraine that same evening. Lovely. I haven't had a migraine in YEARS. Deep breaths. Just thinking about it all gets me all edgy again.

This holiday season has flown by. Between being busy at work and illnesses, I feel like I didn't even really participate. I was sick last weekend, forcing me to miss a get-together and tonight we'll be missing Kidlet's school presentation. The holiday cards are sitting on my desk, unfinished. Presents are stacked in the garage, uwrapped and more presents remain unpurchased. This year has got me thinking that I need to revamp my holiday expectations and practices. I feel like I'm buying a holiday experience instead of creating one. It all leads to so much stress and it certainly doesn't feel good or right. I made a lot of presents last year and that didn't really change my experience either. I'm starting to think about taking a family cruise or traveling south of the border for the holidays next year. Any takers? :)

A display of public gratitude...first, to my Mom-in-Law, I couldn't have managed this week without you. I'm deeply grateful for your help with Kidlet. And one more...thank you, Mama, for dealing with me while I'm in Anxiety Land. You are both so good to me.

This weekend will be spent snuggled down in the house again, trying to get Kidlet better and making more cookies (Piparkukas). Last weekend's cookie was a Danish butter cookie that came out quite nicely. No one around work has one of those big tins of Danish butter cookies this year so this fulfilled the craving (and then some...they were really quite good!). Hope you are managing to do a better job of enjoying the holiday season than I. I'll be checking back in soon. I have posts filling my head.


Nessie Noodle said...

oh man, I hope she is feeling better. I went home yesterday with the stomach ick. Picked the boy up from school and we snuggled on the couch for the entire day. It felt so good and I had to just enjoy it even though I felt icky.

I feel you ont he not being prepared bit- just remember that it will all work out in the end- as long as family is together then it is a holiday :)

take it easy sister,

Madre Adoptiva said...

I feel exactly the same way about the holidays this year. Thing is... it seems like you have to get everyone around you on the same boat to really enjoy the holidays. I feel the expectations of others are really what stress me out... or the feeling that I'll be letting someone down if I don't get them exactly what they were hoping for. Anyway, it's almost over! YAY~!

Anonymous said...

I'm kind of in the middle with my holiday enjoyment. Was SO busy and crazy until the beginning of December. Then had a period of recharging, where I didn't really do anything. Made a bunch of cookies. Now Christmas is right around the corner and I have lots of things I want to make, but have a 68 page booklet that is due to the printer by Christmas eve, so I don't really have alot of time. I don't even have a wrapping plan.

I hope you can find a place of peace and quiet, and enjoyment, my friend.

raining sheep said...

Oh oh! Deep breaths, yoga breaths :) I know what you mean about guilt of not being at work etc. I used to have the same issues; now that the boys are old I shake my head at all the needless fretting I used to do.I hope you have a wonderful Christmas (in case I don't connect with you before then) and a wonderful happy holiday season. (tee hee, the confirmation word for this post is 'begmas')

emily said...

so late in reading this, but nodding my head. why is it that we hold onto certain expectations and let go only when circumstances force us to? when, if we would just let go of our expectations in the first place (and preferably willingly), we could create perfectly wonderful experiences? whether of working and mothering simultaneously, or of holiday season-ing? i wonder this often with regard to my own life. different issues, same question. xo.